Oktoberfest, Birthdays, Beer and Baseball..........

So this weight loss journey of mine has taken an entirely new twist this time around... back in 2000 I lost 30lbs on Jenny Craig. It was a great start but I was young and ridiculous and didn't really make the connection that weight was something I was going to have to think about even after I'd lost it. There was no lasting scaffolding there, just the end result in sight. It is no wonder I gained every pound and a few more back -- I never had a plan for what I was going to do after I lost the weight. Do I sound like a broken record?

I was reading blogs (props out to Diet Girl who is a total goddess, by the way), thinking about just how many of us there are out there who are fighting every day to change our lives. I am certainly glad that this time around, as I continue on this life changing adventure, that I have found a great group of people to help me when I fall, give me resources when I think the world is ending and understand when I just can't take it anymore.

Sigh...bit profound for a Sunday morning and not nearly as funny as I wanted it to be. That's what happens when I posted without having coffee first!

Stats:
Last WI: 211.6 (9/26/07) -- wahoo I've managed to lose 15.4lbs since this summer!
Right Upper Arm: 13"
Right Thigh: 25"
Right Calf: 15.75"
Waist: 37"
Hips: 43"
Chest: 39.5"
Pounds to go: 56.6lbs --My goal weight though slightly higher than the charts say it should be is 155 -- so that leaves me with 56 pounds to go.

So the pounds and inches are moving... I've been pretty focused on what I'm eating. I'm subscribing to WW online now and have finally gotten over my fear of eating. Who knew you had to actually eat in order to lose weight!?! I have also sorted out that I need a BIG breakfast -- 8pts of breakfast! Crazy, but if I eat a lot then I am in control for the rest of the day.

So my goals for the month --
1) I need to get a picture in my head of what I'm going to look like when I reach goal. For me, I don't think goal is going to be a number. I change my desired goal weight daily! I think I would like to get to 160 and see what I look like and go from there. It dawned on me the other day though that I have never been skinny -- I've been heavy for all of my life. So I don't really have an image in my head of what I will look like -- nothing to 'get back to'. This thin thing is going to be something new!

2) Increase my daily fitness levels -- not my trips to the gym, but my daily, walking around, moving etc. I'm thinking I may need to dig out my old pedometer to make sure I'm active enough. I think that might be one way I could increase my activity. I love the gym, don't get me wrong, but I don't want the gym to be the ONLY form of exercise I get in a day.

3)Keep creating mini-goals for myself. I like having one thing to focus on each week -- makes this whole process so much easier!

4)Pimp this blog! I'm new to this blogging thing. And as far as I know, nobody is reading it! Grr. So, goal number four is to change that.

Alright that is all for now. I wish I had some more inciteful advice about how I lost 90lbs in a day -- but I didn't so I don't!

ML :)

It's just so inspiring....

So I've just spent the afternoon reading blogs from my fellow weight loss bloggers...all I can say is wow! Sista's you gots some good stuff going on!!! And I have a lot of work to do on my blog!!! First of all I need to figure out how to pimp this thing! Second, I need to remember that it exists every now and again......

The weight loss journey -- man is it going slow this time around!!! But it's going. I'm so glad I have a PT to constantly put things into perspective for me. I may not have lost all of the pounds I think I need to, but dang, I'm certainly getting in really good shape! I've been challenging myself like crazy physically -- I like breaking barriers so it seems.

So for the stats:

Last weigh in: 214.8 (9/5)

Inches:
R.Arm: 13.5"
R. Thigh: 26"
R. Calf : 16"
Waist: 38"
Hips: 43.5"
Chest: 40"

It ain't huge, but damn if it ain't progress.

See...I can do it! I want to be an after and stay an after.

Ms. Mission

Sigh.......

It is absolutely amazing how time flies. Just yesterday I was praying for summer......now I'm getting ready to go back to work! Along with this change has come some added resolve.

So I spent the summer, well a big part of it anyhow, in upstate New York. It was a typical visit home -- too much alcohol, too much eating and very little exercise. Despite my best intentions to make it to the gym or work out, the humidity and my laziness conspired against me.

And then I saw the family photos taken of me this summer. I look like a whale. A huge, out of control, ugly whale. Needless to say, said photos really demolished the little confidence I had managed to regain in the last few months. But they made me sit down and be honest with myself. I weigh 224lbs and I don't carry it well. And more importantly, I don't want to carry it anymore.

As much fun as I had, I couldn't have been happier to go home. I feel as if I have my control back. It's back to the gym and into the hands of my trainer on Tuesday. I feel as if it was an awaken for me though this trip. I looked it right in the face, cringed, then decided I needed to change. I always forget that change is a process, not an overnight event. I finally feel ready to make the sacrifices I need to make in order to be healthy. In my case, this means cutting out the alcohol -- or at least planning what I am going to drink and sticking to it. It means not saying okay to dinner invitations that I know are going to end up with me stuffing my face. I'm not ready for those. I remember eons ago when I started Jenny Craig my consultant telling me that the first few weeks even months changing your lifestyle and how you eat have to be about you. So I'm going to take this advice and practice the word no! It's not that I don't think I can handle eating out eventually -- I just need to get into better eating habits so I can make better choices. Right now, my choices suck.

So it's back to being in control -- making goals, tracking my progress, no longer just assuming that things are going well. It's also time for a reframing of my mindset. This is about health, this is about changing myself inside. I cannot continue to get stuck on the numbers. I need to let go of numbers.....

It is also time to set myself a challenge. I will rethink my goals and repost them ASAP. I can do this -- because I can do anything.

xx

Slackerville

Soooooo...confession time. I have been slacking! This week has been pretty bad as far as going to the gym and eating are concerned. Of course, I maintained and didn't gain any weight. And I'm listening to my body more. I needed a bit of a break before I got burned out. That said, now I need to FOCUS.

Highlights of last week!

5/4 - I ran, yes ran 3.5 miles! Wahooo!!!
5/9 - My PT made me work incredibly hard and I did three 1 minute sets of planks.
5/13 - It took me almost 15 minutes to get my heart rate up to my THR. I am getting fit baby.

So the pounds aren't coming off like crazy. And the inches have been a bit slow too. I am fit now -- I am so much healthier. The rest will come when it does... I need to get back to setting goals for myself. Especially now when cardio is getting easier. And after this week, life gets seriously less complicated!

Cheers -- and yeah to me for sticking with this, the gains I've made, no matter how small, I'm so proud of!

Ms. Mission xoxo

Ugh.

So I'm stuck in a rut. Knowing I'm fat and not being able to do anything about it any quicker than I am is the most difficult thing ever. The pounds aren't coming off the way that they used to that is for sure. I just need to work harder I suppose.

It's stumble, and trip and fall. Then get up and have another go.

Last official weigh in 217.2. Haven't taken the weigh in for this week yet because it's that not so nice time and I don't hate myself so much that I want to see the scale right now. I need balance again.......................

Another Saturday...

I'm about to be off to the gym, but I thought I would take five minutes and post. It's been a week alright. Amazing how up and down life can be in the span of seven days. I feel more like a big fat whale today than I have in months! Bloody men. I can't believe I'm letting something external effect my happiness. Didn't I say I wouldn't do that anymore? Ugh. Two steps forward, one step back. So how to I get my balance back? How do I stop being so insecure? How do I get back to my goddess mentality? I'm looking for too much outside of myself. I've just been in survival mode for so long that now that I've finally slowed down to let it all just be, now that I've actually had to stop and look at myself and what is wrong with me, I feel as if I am falling apart. Maybe this is why I can't seem to lose any weight....

Just a thought for the day.

Sidetracked...

Alright, I got a bit sidetracked from the weigh in! Last official weigh in, 218.4. Yeah, finally broke those 220's! Next Monday is a measurement day. Not so sure what it's going to be like. I really need to refocus myself -- last weekend was a killer. I need to keep reminding myself that thin tastes better than anything I could put in my mouth.

So my total weight loss with my starting weight at 226.4 pounds is now 8 pounds! Wahooo.

Weekend drinking binge...

And I managed to lose. Yikes. Must have been all of those tears! So I will post my weight tomorrow. I'm proud of how I did this weekend. It certainly wasn't what I used to do on weekends out.

A little bit hungover...

I start this post with hope...hope for the past and hope for the future.

So I dragged my arse out of bed this morning after not sleeping at all and went to the gym for a good 60 minute cardio workout. It was needed. I'm suffering the ill effects of too much alcohol, not enough sleep and a very badly bruised heart. But, so is the way of the world. And so my thought for the day is this:

"Seek patience
and passion
in equal amounts.

Patience alone
will not build the temple.

Passion alone
will destroy its walls."

Maya Angelou

So life continues to zoom on around me. I got on the scale this morning and was down almost 2 pounds. Go figure. Maybe I've made it to the melting point. That would certainly add a whole new twist to my emotions! But right now I am proud of myself for recognizing that I am sad and angry and not stuff my face and drinking myself silly to compensate for it......yeah me!

Well, that is about all I have to say for today! Weigh in Monday.

Oh, one last thought. One more thing I'm doing well -- listening. To myself, to my body, to the things that I'm reading. I'm paying attention more to what is going on around me and inside of me......

Yeah me!

Technical Difficulties...and great losses!

Well, I have FINALLY bloody managed to sign back in to this site! Wow, what a pain in the....

So where was I? Ahhh yes, my last weigh in etc. April 9th. I have lost another 2.5" all over my body and my current weight is 220.6. But even bigger, my body fat is down 3.9%!!!!!!!!! Wahoooo. What a victory!
New stats:
Right arm: 14.25"
Right thigh: 26.5"
Right calf: 16.25"
Waist: 39.5"
Hips: 46"
Chest: 41.5"
Total inches lost: 8"
Weight: 220.6
Body fat: 38%
BMI:35.5

I have some new goals for this upcoming week.
1) Run 3.5 miles at 4.8 mph.
2) Follow my points -- again, I'm watching what is going into my mouth, but I am not sure that I'm always honest with myself about what I am eating or the portion sizes. Maybe I need to get some new measuring tools...
3) Continue to enjoy my workouts! I am loving the gym. What a stress reliever it is to go in there, hop on a machine and just run/elliptical off all the frustration in my life.

My longer term goal for this month is to get up to running 6 miles....yes, I know. Insane. Fat girls can't run that much! But I've been challenged to run the Bolder Boulder....sooooooo, I have to! Well, actually I think I will decide if I am going to do it and make it a goal for next month. My one and only goal for this month is to lose 10lbs by 4/30. Big goal! That means I have 7 pound to go...

I love how my body is changing. I can feel my ribs again -- and wow the muscles! I feel a million times better than I did a month ago. I don't feel this insane rush to lose this 70 pounds. I feel in control, and healthy and excited that I am making a change. I like this feeling and I am going to keep coming back to this as my centering point when things get difficult.

And in other little victories news, yesterday I really wanted a cheeseburger and fries. I didn't deny my craving, but instead of Sonic, I got a veggie burger and frozen fries from the store. A way better choice! I have been reading The Beck Diet Solution which has some really good insights on eating behaviors. Why do I keep shoving food into my mouth? Well I'm learning about that. And I'm learning how to change that behavior.

I am so proud of myself for all of the things I have accomplished these past few weeks. Sure, the scale isn't really saying what I want it to -- but I've made great strides and I've committed to something in my life that is healthy, realistic and for the first time something I really want to do.

The last step for me right now is to really work on visualizing what I see myself looking like after. This is sooooooooooo hard for me to do because I've never been a 'skinny' girl. So I don't have an old picture or even a mental one of what I want to look like. This is my goal number 4 for this week. I really want to think about what my body is going to look like minus the lumpy bits...

Well, that's all for this post. I'm glad I sorted out how to get back on here!

Hasta la proxima,
Ms. Mission

March Wrap-Up and April Goals

March -- what a month. I joined the gym. I got a trainer (who knew I could even afford one!). I didn't lose as much weight as I wanted to but damn did I lose some serious inches. My body is becoming more and more toned and I feel myself getting stronger and stronger. Sigh...yet, I still look for my joy on the scale. What is wrong with that? I suppose we've been taught for so long that weight = pounds. Not that weight = inches or strength or muscle or health. So I suppose one of my first steps in April is to change that mindset.

So here are my goals for the month of April:
Numero 1: Workout 5-6 times a week. 3-4 60 minute cardio sessions and 2 strength training sessions. I like the gym. It soothes my soul. It takes away my stress.

Numero 2: Watch what I'm eating a bit more carefully. I'm following the Weight Watchers points (independently because I really don't like the meetings). Now that I've settled into a workout routine, I'm ready to really concentrate on what is going in my mouth. I know that I need to really watch my salt intake and my snacks. I need to find some lower point, more filling snacks!

Numero 3: Change the way I think about food, health and all that jazz. I need to change my self talk. Bought the book The Beck Diet Solution and I love it! Wow -- amazing how sometimes just hearing something in a different way can make it all suddenly make it make sense.

Numero 4: Try to add more activity to my days -- even if it is just extra trips to the main office or the bathroom. I need to increase my activity! Oh and I doubt my dog would mind the extra walks.

So that is it -- my jumping off point for April. I have set my weight goals as well.

First 10lbs: 4/30/07
20lbs: 6/11/07 (and a tattoo!)
30lbs: 7/4/07 (for my parents 60th birthday party!)
40lbs: 9/22/07 (for my 31st birthday and a trip to Mexico)
50lbs: 11/26/07 (why not be sexy for Thanksgiving!)
60lbs: 2/25/08 (spring break and a bikini!)
70lbs: 5/26/08 (for my health)

There it is...all out there now! Accountability!

So here's the stats...

5'6" (alright so I'm 5'5.5"...but that extra half inch makes me feel more special)
Currently 3/31/07 I'm 221.4 pounds.
My measurements:
3/26
Right Upper Arm: 14.5"
Right Thigh: 26.5"
Right Calf: 16.5"
Waist: 41"
Hips: 46.5"
Chest: 43"

Body fat: 41.9%

Sigh...that was depressing!

Welcome to my blog!

So, I'd like to say that I'm here to celebrate a marriage or the birth of a child or moving to London for a year. But I'm not there yet. I'm at the beginning, sitting here with 70 pounds to lose, trying to change my life. Yes, yes, who hasn't been here before. But this time, it's different. This time, it's about health. It's about making sure I don't have a heart attack like my mother or high cholesterol like my father. It's about making sure my ass doesn't ever look like that woman who teaches down the hall from me. And most importantly, it's being able to bring myself into a relationship with one less insecurity. So this is my blog. This is my accountability. This is where it all starts. This is my first step...