Another Saturday...

I'm about to be off to the gym, but I thought I would take five minutes and post. It's been a week alright. Amazing how up and down life can be in the span of seven days. I feel more like a big fat whale today than I have in months! Bloody men. I can't believe I'm letting something external effect my happiness. Didn't I say I wouldn't do that anymore? Ugh. Two steps forward, one step back. So how to I get my balance back? How do I stop being so insecure? How do I get back to my goddess mentality? I'm looking for too much outside of myself. I've just been in survival mode for so long that now that I've finally slowed down to let it all just be, now that I've actually had to stop and look at myself and what is wrong with me, I feel as if I am falling apart. Maybe this is why I can't seem to lose any weight....

Just a thought for the day.

Sidetracked...

Alright, I got a bit sidetracked from the weigh in! Last official weigh in, 218.4. Yeah, finally broke those 220's! Next Monday is a measurement day. Not so sure what it's going to be like. I really need to refocus myself -- last weekend was a killer. I need to keep reminding myself that thin tastes better than anything I could put in my mouth.

So my total weight loss with my starting weight at 226.4 pounds is now 8 pounds! Wahooo.

Weekend drinking binge...

And I managed to lose. Yikes. Must have been all of those tears! So I will post my weight tomorrow. I'm proud of how I did this weekend. It certainly wasn't what I used to do on weekends out.

A little bit hungover...

I start this post with hope...hope for the past and hope for the future.

So I dragged my arse out of bed this morning after not sleeping at all and went to the gym for a good 60 minute cardio workout. It was needed. I'm suffering the ill effects of too much alcohol, not enough sleep and a very badly bruised heart. But, so is the way of the world. And so my thought for the day is this:

"Seek patience
and passion
in equal amounts.

Patience alone
will not build the temple.

Passion alone
will destroy its walls."

Maya Angelou

So life continues to zoom on around me. I got on the scale this morning and was down almost 2 pounds. Go figure. Maybe I've made it to the melting point. That would certainly add a whole new twist to my emotions! But right now I am proud of myself for recognizing that I am sad and angry and not stuff my face and drinking myself silly to compensate for it......yeah me!

Well, that is about all I have to say for today! Weigh in Monday.

Oh, one last thought. One more thing I'm doing well -- listening. To myself, to my body, to the things that I'm reading. I'm paying attention more to what is going on around me and inside of me......

Yeah me!

Technical Difficulties...and great losses!

Well, I have FINALLY bloody managed to sign back in to this site! Wow, what a pain in the....

So where was I? Ahhh yes, my last weigh in etc. April 9th. I have lost another 2.5" all over my body and my current weight is 220.6. But even bigger, my body fat is down 3.9%!!!!!!!!! Wahoooo. What a victory!
New stats:
Right arm: 14.25"
Right thigh: 26.5"
Right calf: 16.25"
Waist: 39.5"
Hips: 46"
Chest: 41.5"
Total inches lost: 8"
Weight: 220.6
Body fat: 38%
BMI:35.5

I have some new goals for this upcoming week.
1) Run 3.5 miles at 4.8 mph.
2) Follow my points -- again, I'm watching what is going into my mouth, but I am not sure that I'm always honest with myself about what I am eating or the portion sizes. Maybe I need to get some new measuring tools...
3) Continue to enjoy my workouts! I am loving the gym. What a stress reliever it is to go in there, hop on a machine and just run/elliptical off all the frustration in my life.

My longer term goal for this month is to get up to running 6 miles....yes, I know. Insane. Fat girls can't run that much! But I've been challenged to run the Bolder Boulder....sooooooo, I have to! Well, actually I think I will decide if I am going to do it and make it a goal for next month. My one and only goal for this month is to lose 10lbs by 4/30. Big goal! That means I have 7 pound to go...

I love how my body is changing. I can feel my ribs again -- and wow the muscles! I feel a million times better than I did a month ago. I don't feel this insane rush to lose this 70 pounds. I feel in control, and healthy and excited that I am making a change. I like this feeling and I am going to keep coming back to this as my centering point when things get difficult.

And in other little victories news, yesterday I really wanted a cheeseburger and fries. I didn't deny my craving, but instead of Sonic, I got a veggie burger and frozen fries from the store. A way better choice! I have been reading The Beck Diet Solution which has some really good insights on eating behaviors. Why do I keep shoving food into my mouth? Well I'm learning about that. And I'm learning how to change that behavior.

I am so proud of myself for all of the things I have accomplished these past few weeks. Sure, the scale isn't really saying what I want it to -- but I've made great strides and I've committed to something in my life that is healthy, realistic and for the first time something I really want to do.

The last step for me right now is to really work on visualizing what I see myself looking like after. This is sooooooooooo hard for me to do because I've never been a 'skinny' girl. So I don't have an old picture or even a mental one of what I want to look like. This is my goal number 4 for this week. I really want to think about what my body is going to look like minus the lumpy bits...

Well, that's all for this post. I'm glad I sorted out how to get back on here!

Hasta la proxima,
Ms. Mission