Sigh.......

It is absolutely amazing how time flies. Just yesterday I was praying for summer......now I'm getting ready to go back to work! Along with this change has come some added resolve.

So I spent the summer, well a big part of it anyhow, in upstate New York. It was a typical visit home -- too much alcohol, too much eating and very little exercise. Despite my best intentions to make it to the gym or work out, the humidity and my laziness conspired against me.

And then I saw the family photos taken of me this summer. I look like a whale. A huge, out of control, ugly whale. Needless to say, said photos really demolished the little confidence I had managed to regain in the last few months. But they made me sit down and be honest with myself. I weigh 224lbs and I don't carry it well. And more importantly, I don't want to carry it anymore.

As much fun as I had, I couldn't have been happier to go home. I feel as if I have my control back. It's back to the gym and into the hands of my trainer on Tuesday. I feel as if it was an awaken for me though this trip. I looked it right in the face, cringed, then decided I needed to change. I always forget that change is a process, not an overnight event. I finally feel ready to make the sacrifices I need to make in order to be healthy. In my case, this means cutting out the alcohol -- or at least planning what I am going to drink and sticking to it. It means not saying okay to dinner invitations that I know are going to end up with me stuffing my face. I'm not ready for those. I remember eons ago when I started Jenny Craig my consultant telling me that the first few weeks even months changing your lifestyle and how you eat have to be about you. So I'm going to take this advice and practice the word no! It's not that I don't think I can handle eating out eventually -- I just need to get into better eating habits so I can make better choices. Right now, my choices suck.

So it's back to being in control -- making goals, tracking my progress, no longer just assuming that things are going well. It's also time for a reframing of my mindset. This is about health, this is about changing myself inside. I cannot continue to get stuck on the numbers. I need to let go of numbers.....

It is also time to set myself a challenge. I will rethink my goals and repost them ASAP. I can do this -- because I can do anything.

xx